Funeral Flower Types, Explained

Nobody learns the vocabulary of funeral flowers until they need it, and they are usually asked to choose under time pressure while dealing with something else entirely. What follows is what the terms mean and who sends which, so the decision takes two minutes instead of twenty.

What Only the Family Sends

A small number of tributes are reserved for immediate family, and sending one as a friend or colleague is a genuine misstep.

The casket spray sits on top of the coffin and is almost always ordered by the immediate family. A full couch spray covers the whole lid; a half couch covers the lower half where the casket is open for viewing. This is the principal floral tribute at the service and it is not for anyone else to send.

Inside-casket pieces — small arrangements or single stems placed within — are likewise family only.

What Anyone May Send

Standing sprays are one-sided arrangements on an easel, positioned around the casket or the altar. They are the conventional choice for extended family, friends, colleagues and organisations, and they are designed to be seen from the front. Our Sympathy Standing Spray is built to that form.

Wreaths, the circular form, carry an old association with eternity. Also easel-mounted, also appropriate from anyone. Our Funeral Wreath — White is the traditional version.

Baskets and vase arrangements are the most flexible option, because they can be sent to the service and then taken home afterward. For anyone unsure, this is the safest choice — our Memorial Basket Arrangement and Garden Sympathy Basket both work in either setting.

Crosses and specific religious forms should only be sent where you are certain of the family's faith.

Where It Goes, and When

Two destinations and they are not interchangeable.

Arrangements for the service go to the funeral home or place of worship, and they need to arrive before the viewing or the service begins — usually the morning of, or the day before. Funeral homes are used to this and will accept early delivery. Send the deceased's full name with the order, because a home may be handling several services that day.

Arrangements for the family go to the home, and they should go in a vessel so nobody has to find a vase.

The most useful timing advice is to send to the home three weeks later. The service attracts everything at once; three weeks afterward, when the visitors have stopped and everyone else has returned to their lives, almost nothing arrives. That is when it lands hardest.

When Flowers Are Not Appropriate

Check the notice, which will usually say.

In most Jewish practice flowers are not customary at a funeral, and a donation to a named charity, a shiva visit, or food sent to the house is the recognised gesture. Many Muslim families expect condolence in the form of presence and practical help rather than floral tributes, though simple arrangements are accepted in some communities.

Where the family has asked for donations in lieu of flowers, that is an instruction rather than a politeness to be worked around.

Some traditions have specific expectations rather than prohibitions — white chrysanthemums are the funeral flower across much of East Asia and much of Europe, where they would be entirely wrong for a celebration.

Colour

White and cream is the convention: quiet, non-competing, and never wrong.

Colour is permitted and frequently better where you knew the person. Somebody who wore red every day and grew dahlias does not need another indistinguishable white tribute, and the family notices when something looks like them. This takes a little confidence and the misjudgement is minor.

Two Practical Points

Scent matters more than people expect. A viewing room is small and closed, and heavily fragranced flowers — lilies above all, plus stock, freesia and tuberose — become overwhelming for people who are already struggling. If lilies are used, the anthers must be removed, because lily pollen stains permanently and it is a bad thing to happen to somebody's suit at a funeral.

And think about afterward. A large easel spray is designed for a service and cannot go home in a car. If you would like the family to keep it, send something in a vessel they can carry.

The Card

Use the name of the person who died, and say one specific thing about them.

"Thinking of you at this difficult time" is what most cards say, and it is interchangeable with every other card in the room. A sentence containing something the family may not have known — a thing she taught you, a thing he did that mattered — is what gets kept and read months later.

Sign it with a full name and, where the connection is not obvious, how you knew them. Bereaved families read these cards repeatedly and frequently cannot place a first name alone.